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How is this different from a pros and cons list?

Traditional pros/cons lists treat all factors equally and rely on your in-the-moment thinking. Dcider weighs options against your pre-defined personal values, providing an objective alignment score. The AI also surfaces considerations you might miss and tracks patterns across all your decisions over time.

Does the AI make decisions for me?

No. Dcider provides analysis and alignment scores, but you always make the final choice. Think of it as a thinking partner that helps you see how options align with what you've said matters to you. The goal is clarity, not automation.

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What kind of decisions is Dcider best for?

Dcider works great for career choices, financial decisions, relationship questions, health and lifestyle changes, and any decision where you want to align your choice with your personal values. It's especially helpful when you're overthinking or facing analysis paralysis.

How do I set up my values?

When you first open the app, you'll go through a quick onboarding where you select values that matter to you (like health, family, growth, financial security) and rate their importance. You can always adjust these later in Settings.

Is Dcider available on Android?

Currently, Dcider is iOS-only. We're focused on making the iOS experience great first. Android support may come in the future based on demand.

RelationshipsUpdated Jan 2026

Should I Get Back with an Ex? A Values-Based Decision Framework

Time has passed and you find yourself thinking about your ex—wondering if the breakup was a mistake, if they've changed, if you've changed, if maybe it could work this time. Nostalgia battles with the memory of why you broke up in the first place.

Key Takeaway

This decision is fundamentally about Love and Connection vs. Growth and Change. Your choice will also impact your history and investment.

The Core Values at Stake

This decision touches on several fundamental values that may be in tension with each other:

Love and Connection

Your genuine feelings for this person. Consider whether you're in love with them as they are now or with the memory of how things were.

Growth and Change

Whether meaningful change has occurred in both of you. Evaluate what's actually different now versus before.

History and Investment

Your shared past and the foundation you built. Consider whether this is an asset or creating bias toward reconciliation.

Self-Protection

Your need to protect yourself from being hurt again. Consider whether getting back together is wise given why you broke up.

Future Potential

The realistic possibility of a better relationship. Assess whether the issues that ended things can truly be resolved.

5 Key Questions to Ask Yourself

Before making this decision, work through these questions honestly:

1What specifically has changed since we broke up—in them, in me, in circumstances?
2Am I in love with them or with the idea of having someone familiar?
3Why did we actually break up, and has that root cause been addressed?
4Am I lonely or scared of dating, and is that driving this desire?
5What would my most trusted friends say about getting back together?

Key Considerations

As you weigh this decision, keep these important factors in mind:

The original reasons for the breakup

What has genuinely changed in both people

Whether core incompatibilities still exist

Your current emotional state (loneliness can distort judgment)

Patterns of on-again-off-again in the relationship

Whether either person has done significant personal work

The opinions of trusted friends and family who know the history

Watch Out For: Rosy Retrospection

We remember past relationships more fondly than we experienced them. Your brain edits out the fights, the frustration, and the reasons you broke up, leaving a highlight reel. Before reconciling, write down the specific reasons you broke up and force yourself to remember the bad times clearly.

Make This Decision With Clarity

Don't just guess. Use Dcider to calculate your alignment score and make decisions that truly reflect your values.

Download on the App Store

Frequently Asked Questions

Is getting back with an ex ever a good idea?

Sometimes, but it's the exception. Successful reconciliations require: clear understanding of why you broke up, genuine change in one or both people, time apart for perspective, and usually some form of outside help (therapy). Without these, you're likely to repeat the same patterns.

How do you know if you should get back with an ex?

Good signs: the breakup was due to circumstances (timing, distance) rather than compatibility, you've both grown and done personal work, the things that needed to change have actually changed, and you've had enough time apart for perspective. Bad signs: loneliness is the main driver, nothing has really changed, or it's been on-again-off-again before.

How long should you wait before getting back with an ex?

At minimum, wait until the emotional intensity has faded enough to think clearly—usually 3-6 months minimum. Longer is often better. The goal is enough time for both people to gain perspective and ideally do personal growth work. Rushing back rarely works.

What percentage of couples who get back together stay together?

Research suggests only about 15% of couples who break up and reconcile stay together long-term. The success rate is higher when the breakup was situational rather than about fundamental compatibility, and when both people have done genuine work on themselves.

Related Decisions

Should I End a Relationship?

You find yourself cycling through doubt—some days certain you should leave, others wondering if you're throwing away something valuable. The fear of making the wrong choice in either direction keeps you stuck. You wonder if relationships are supposed to be this hard, or if you're not trying hard enough.

Should I Go to Couples Therapy?

Your relationship is struggling, and you're wondering if professional help could save it. But admitting you need therapy feels like failure, and you're not sure if your partner would agree or if therapy even works. Hope and skepticism war within you.

Should I Break Up with My Partner?

You're considering ending a relationship, but the weight of the decision is crushing. You cycle between certainty and doubt, wondering if you're giving up too easily or staying too long. The fear of hurting them battles the fear of wasting more time.

People Also Considered

Similar decisions in other areas of life:

Quit My Job Buy or Rent a Home Move to a New City

Sources

Dailey, R. M., et al. (2009). On-again/off-again dating relationships. Personal Relationships.
Halpern-Meekin, S., et al. (2013). Relationship Churning in Emerging Adulthood. Journal of Adolescent Research.

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