A Framework for the Decisions That Shape Your Life

Not all decisions are equal. What to eat for lunch and whether to change careers require fundamentally different approaches.

Small decisions need speed. Big decisions need depth. Here's a framework for the ones that actually shape your life.

What Makes a Decision "Big"

Before applying heavy-duty process, confirm you're dealing with a big decision:

• Difficult to reverse. Quitting a job is easier to undo than having a child. The less reversible, the more deliberation it deserves.
• Long-term consequences. Will this matter in five years? Ten?
• Affects core life areas. Career, relationships, health, location, family.
• Involves significant resources. Time, money, emotional investment.

If a decision doesn't meet these criteria, use the two-minute rule and move on.

The Framework

Step 1: Define Success

Before evaluating options, get clear on what a good outcome looks like. Not in vague terms—specifically.

"I want to be happy" doesn't help. "I want work that uses my strengths, pays enough to save 20% of my income, and lets me be home for dinner" is actionable.

Write down 3-5 concrete criteria for success in this decision.

Step 2: Generate Options

Most people consider too few options. The choice isn't just "take the job or don't." It might be:

• Take the job
• Decline and stay
• Decline and look elsewhere
• Counter-offer for different terms
• Take it for a year as an experiment

Brainstorm without judgment first. Evaluate later.

Step 3: Gather Information (With Limits)

Research, but set a boundary. "I will gather information for two weeks, then decide."

Without limits, research becomes procrastination. You'll never have complete information. Accept that.

Focus on information that directly addresses your success criteria. Ignore interesting-but-irrelevant data.

Step 4: Consult Wisely

Talk to people who:

• Have made similar decisions
• Know you well enough to call out your blind spots
• Will tell you the truth, not what you want to hear

Avoid:

• Polling everyone you know
• People who will project their values onto you
• People who've never faced anything similar

Step 5: Test If Possible

Before committing fully, can you test the option?

• Before moving cities, spend a month there.
• Before changing careers, do a side project in the new field.
• Before marriage, live together.

Not everything can be tested. But if testing is possible and you're not doing it, you're avoiding information that might help.

Step 6: Decide and Commit

Set a deadline. When it arrives, decide. Not "lean toward"—decide.

Then commit fully. Second-guessing after the decision is made helps no one. You made the best choice you could with the information you had. Now execute.

Step 7: Review, Don't Regret

After living with the decision, evaluate. What worked? What didn't? What would you do differently?

This isn't regret. It's learning. Every big decision teaches you something about yourself that informs future choices.

The Meta-Skill

Getting good at big decisions is a meta-skill that improves your entire life. Most people avoid big decisions out of fear. They stay in jobs they've outgrown, relationships that aren't working, cities they don't love.

The cost of avoiding big decisions is a life that happens to you instead of one you create.

These decisions are hard. But they're also the ones that matter most. Give them the attention they deserve.